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That night, instead of collapsing on opposite sides of the bed, we made love. When I tuned out technology, I was reminded of something he never forgot: We aren't perfect.

Afterward, we talked about the future - trips we wanted to take, new restaurants we wanted to try, our dreams for our kids and for each other.

Couples I admired, whose lives seemed shiny and perfect, whose marriages appeared bulletproof, suddenly announced that they were splitting. My husband, Kris, and I were approaching our 10-year anniversary, and the problems these divorcing couples faced weren't radically different from our own - the stress of raising children, career changes, waning intimacy.

In the days of slavery slaves in general required passes to travel away from their masters however, in 1797 the Landdrost and Heemraden of Swellendam and Graaff-Reinett (the Dutch colonial governing authority) extended pass laws beyond slaves and ordained that all Hottentots moving about the country for any purpose should carry passes. 73) was an Act of the Parliament of the United Kingdom abolishing slavery throughout the British Empire and overrode the Cape Articles of Capitulation.

This was confirmed by the British Colonial government in 1809 by the Hottentot Proclamation which decreed that if a Hottentot and Khoikhoi were to move they would need a pass from their master or a local official. The various South African colonies then passed legislation throughout the rest of the nineteenth century to limit the freedom of unskilled workers, to increase the restrictions on indentured workers and to regulate the relations between the races.

She did not miss the march of 20,000 women to Pretoria to protest against the government's new ruling that African women had to carry passes; nor did she miss a chance to defy the new pass laws in 1958.

Nelson Mandela and then wife Madikizelza-Mandela, her Xhosa clan name Nomzamo, Walter and Albertina Sisulu attend a welcoming ceremony in 1990 on their release from prisos, at the Cape Town City Hall.

Kris and I still felt very much in love - we held hands, he wrote sweet notes and tucked them between the pages of my Moleskine planner, we shared the same sense of humour and a love of indie rock bands - but there were nagging issues. It had been a year since we'd hired a babysitter and gone on a real date.

In the wake of having two children, my libido had flat-lined. The legacy of their split slept quietly inside me, like a genetic predisposition to cancer. I wanted an insurance policy, some concrete evidence that our partnership was built to last. I made a plan: Kris and I would open profiles independently on the same dating site. ” (Very, though obviously Kris and I hadn't made it a priority.) “When it comes to differences of opinion, do you try to accommodate the other person's position?

Besides fudging a couple of demographic details, we'd answer every question as thoughtfully and honestly as possible - no gaming the system by answering the way I thought Kris might respond. The site claims that 438 members get married every day. That morning, after Kris left for work, I poured myself a cup of coffee and got down to business. There was Matt, 38, ruggedly handsome in a Patrick Dempsey sort of way, who worked in medical sales and shared my love of travel and books.

Maybe the same forces that inspired those marriages would fortify ours. Gary, 36, was “spiritual, but not religious,” like me, and, as evidenced by his broad shoulders and chiselled arms, enjoyed Cross Fit.

The median length of first marriages is about eight years, according to the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention.

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