I have great Spectrum friends and we have fortnightly family get-togethers that are huge fun. We understand each other’s body language; eye-contact is not a problem nor is bluntness and honesty in conversation. I wish I had read it about 15 years ago, before I married my husband in 2000. I am a physician myself who has worked with many children with DD and have also been reading every book I could find on the subject since I realized Aspergers was likely the cause of my husband's odd behaviors.
We make allowances for each other's sensory difficulties and can tell if the other is uncomfortable, and why.• Anonymous said… I feel that all my time is spent on how I can make things better for my husband to cope with life. For a long time I thought it was his upbringing --with selfish, distant parents, or me, that he wasn't in love with me, or I was too emotional and needy.
To have another adult to talk to is worth more than anything. Compliments are the hardest thing to give and to take. I have been driven into a rage more than I care to admit by his rudeness, and into despair, near suicidal, living with someone who has so little empathy. He even took an online test where I felt he basically lied so that it would not come out as Aspergers.
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A lot of men with Asperger’s (AS) – also called “high functioning autism” – have never been diagnosed and are regarded as being eccentric, a little odd or loners.
If you are in a relationship with a man on the autism spectrum, you have probably noticed many of the traits listed below.
This post is not designed to blame or ridicule men on the spectrum, and it should be noted that they do have more strengths than weaknesses (which we discuss a lot on this site).
But for the purposes of this post, we will focus on some of the features associated with AS that can negatively impact romantic relationships.
I know he is dependent on me for his social and family life, not to mention finances.
I want to continue to have him as a friend, and will continue to help him.
Notice I said “traits” – not “character flaws.” We’re talking about symptoms that come with having the disorder.
And the affected person often has little - or no - control over most of these symptoms.
Yet I am the one that has to handle everything and there is never someone there to help me. For a long time I pushed aside my friends when it came to social outings since my husband always seemed so awkward at these events. I see that I am responsible for my own anger and resentment and criticism, and the response it has provoked in him. But I also see that he will never be someone who will hug me spontaneously, kiss my cheek when I am crying, grab my hand when we are walking, look me in the eyes and truly understand emotionally what I am going through. He doesn't like to make eye contact, unless it's an overly direct, almost aggressive stare, and pulls away quickly after a stiff hug.
I have started going to things by myself which may sound rude but at least I feel alive!!!! Not sure I can live with that in a husband, although I can love him as the wonderful father of my child that he is. He is very intelligent in some ways, especially about mechanical and electrical things and political topics, and oddly off base about very basic aspects of pleasant human interaction.
The pet is a friend that does not place demands on the man and accepts him as he is. AS males may seem set in their ways and can appear to be selfish or insensitive.