Sometimes, especially if you're not necessarily looking for something long-term, moving fast feels right (as long as you stay safe).
Old credos, like waiting a certain number of dates before having sex or insisting that the guy should always pick up the bill, may be officially outmoded, but they still linger in many people's minds. "Because one of these rules might have worked in one situation with one person," says Gary Lewandowski, Jr., Ph D, associate social science professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey—which by no means makes it something that everyone should live by.
Read on for eight dating rules ripe for the breaking.1.
But that sort of thinking might cause you to overlook the quiet-but-intriguing guy whose company you enjoy even though you don't feel a spark just yet.
A better rule: "Sexual chemistry is important, but you may not feel it initially," says Dr. "It can develop after you've known someone for a while." That said, adds Dr. " If you're truly not feeling it, it's better to let things go gently now rather than hang around waiting and hoping for a match to flare. Don't reveal your desire for children, a new career or any other life goal.
If he's expecting you to move faster, ditch the pressure—and possibly him. This one, says Wendy Lyon, Ph D, psychologist and relationship coach, "is an old-fashioned rule that says he should be in charge and be the 'hunter.'" The idea is that if a woman takes the initiative, the man won't feel, well, manly.
On the other hand, if you've been waiting and he's not quite there yet, it may be time to move on, since the two of you aren't quite in sync. A better rule: If you've met a guy at a party and are having a great chat, there's no reason you can't say something like, "I'd love to keep this conversation going. " To summon the courage, remember two things: One, a guy who might be scared off by your "forwardness" isn't worth your time anyway.
A better rule: "Let the connection between the two of you develop, and allow sex to happen organically," says Dr.
Lewandowski, whether that takes a week, a month or more.
There's a grain of good advice in this rule, which is that you don't want to spend the whole date bad-mouthing an ex and coming across as bitter, says Dr. But the idea that you should never bring up your past is outmoded.
"You want to be open and honest and not act as though your history is a taboo subject," says Dr. A better rule: "Think of talking about a past relationship as a way to communicate what you want out of a new relationship," says Dr. Just save certain insights––such as how you learned that you prefer a man who loves his family, which your ex did not––for when you're ready to take your relationship to the next level. Always avoid touchy subjects like religion and politics.
The point is that rules don't help you figure out the right time to have sex––your own feelings and instincts do, says Dr. And two, "men are as afraid of rejection as you are," says Dr. "A guy who's interested will be relieved that the burden's not on him this time." Photo: i Stockphoto3.