" Even if, by the time you split, the divorce was something you wanted, a divorce still represents a loss.
They might tell you you are not allowed to hang out with a certain person anymore, or wear a certain shirt, or go to a certain restaurant. Because they have a depressing family life, come from a broken home, had parents that didn’t love them right, are in debt, can’t hold a job, have a disease, a psychotic ex, a broken heart, low self-esteem….whatever their story is, they will make you feel sympathy for it. As real as they might be, and as sad as they might be, they are a trap that keeps you stuck.
Of course, your partner is allowed to do whatever he or she wants and you are not allowed to question them, but they will control everything you do. You can’t control what happened to them, and you can’t solve it for them.
You might want to go to the movies–your partner will make sure you go out to dinner instead. He or she might even brag about the fact that they have left a trail of tears behind them.
You might be terrified of what your partner will say or do if you tell them. He used to put you up on a pedestal…and now all he does is try to tear you down. From little things to big things, you feel like your partner never listens. They lie about things they don’t need to lie about. They can swear on their life that they are not lying. A healthy person is consistent in the way they treat people, regardless of their status. Your partner has a bad reputation or a tradition of “messy relationships”.
They might lose their temper in the middle of a restaurant because they think you are flirting with the waiter. You’re not always sure what the problem is, but things never add up. If you follow what they say, things still don’t get better.
They might bring up personal issues at inappropriate times. If you work hard to fix one thing, they will find something else that is wrong. They always have an excuse or a story or someone to blame: someone caused them to act the way that they did."You have to work on getting confidence and faith in yourself and ability to believe in your own worth." This is also something you could pursue in therapy, or through Tip No.4: Especially if you were married for a long time, you may have given up a lot of the things you enjoyed as a single person because they didn't fit with your "couplehood." Maybe you loved to go out, but your spouse was a homebody.What is your new life going to look like, and how do you start moving in that direction?Here are eight of the first steps: Nobody gets married thinking, "I sure hope we can get divorced someday! It seems like your partner is two completely different people. Your partner finds faults with your friends or makes you feel bad or uncomfortable about any time you spend with other people. You want to believe that this is possible, but the cycle keeps repeating and each time your self-esteem is chipped away at, bit by bit. He might hit or kick your dog whenever he comes over.