If you’ve spent a lot of time around people with addictions or other mental health issues (for example, growing up with an addicted parent or surrounding yourself with drug-using friends), it can be difficult to feel connected to people who are well. Tatkin, but set a pace that works for you and your recovery.In early recovery, time spent figuring out who you really are is the best way to find someone to complement your sober life.
In the early months of recovery, you’ve given up a lot — your go-to coping strategy, your social network, your approach to life.
It’s natural to look to the comfort of new love to counteract the loneliness.
Does this person share your interests and have the characteristics you’re looking for in a partner? It takes approximately a year to know another person as separate from our fantasies about them and us.
So the proper etiquette is to be a stranger, which is what you are.” Compounding the fact that we know very little about a date, our brains release a powerful cocktail of arousing chemicals, compromising our judgment and making us more vulnerable to danger. Tatkin describes it, at the mercy of chemicals that drive us to procreate.
For those in early recovery from addiction, it’s especially important to ease into romantic relationships.
Standard advice is to hold off on dating for the first year in recovery, largely because relationships take your focus off of your own healing and, with their emotional highs and lows, are a leading cause of relapse.Ask yourself: Would you feel confident introducing this person to your friends or family?Does the person show signs of addictive thinking or behavior? “There’s no forcing this process of knowing, only ways of fooling ourselves.Tatkin has seen many online dating success stories.But, like other ways of meeting someone, he says it’s a “roll of the dice.” It’s important to carefully vet a prospective mate and avoid feeling too familiar too quickly.Alia Butler holds a Master of Social Work from Washington University, St.