It will only prevent you from moving on and making the most of your future.
Your marriage was a huge, important time of your life, and a valuable experience.
This article is a guest post written by Harriet Pappenheim, founding therapist of Park Avenue Relationship Consultants in New York City.
Just because it didn’t last forever does not, in any way, make it a failure.
For many years you have been part of a couple – a unit of two.
It’s easy to end up suppressing certain elements of oneself when in a long-term relationship, even subconsciously. Now you are once more a unit of one, an “I”, and that will take some getting used to! In a list, write out all the things you’d have liked to do whilst married, but couldn’t, or wouldn’t.
Next to that, list all the things you will never, ever do again, now that you’re single after all these years.
They may question their upbringing, their very sense of identity, wondering if it were all a lie.
They may feel overwhelmed, especially if they have families of their own. They must never be caught in the middle or made to feel responsible for your own mental well-being. There are always going to be things out of your control, and any attempt on your part to change that will inevitably result in further frustration and unhappiness.
Looking at these lists side by side will give you a clearer picture of who you are now and where you might be going. Fact – your physical health is the basis for everything else, so don’t ignore it.
And as we get older, we can no longer take our health for granted.
Remind yourself that if they decide to be bitter, or angry, that’s their decision. If you are the one who was left, accept that you can’t change what’s past – but the future is entirely in your hands.