You don’t get to have it all and fireworks are a likely indicator in your relationships of there being problems.If you’re not that keen on the quality of the relationship and the quality of your happiness and have decided to ‘settle’, trust me when I say that seeking ‘fireworks’ is likely to keep you single than it is to put you in the relationship you desperately require.2) You’d better leave your insecurities at the proverbial door, because while people accept that we come with a level of baggage, it is highly unattractive to be in relationships with people whose baggage permeates everything and who appear to need reassurance, validation, affirmation, and discussions above and beyond the comfort levels of even the healthiest of people.
But as always, in spite of what was said, some readers insist that it is easier to feel this way when you’re younger, don’t feel like time is running out, or lonely. I’m in my early thirties but I have a mother in her early fifties, and I know many ‘older’ women who are single or dating/in a relationship with varying success, plus of course, I get a hell of a lot of emails from readers, especially in the age groups that feel most stressed about this issue – 40s, 50s, and in some instances, 60s.
I should point out that the ones who are actually enjoying their lives and a relationship are the ones that made a positive decision to spend some time on their own, break old patterns, rebuild their lives, and redefine themselves in a positive, loving context. I am not here to invalidate anyone’s feelings – you feel what you feel, keeping in mind that you are actually able to identify what you feel and attribute the right word to it.
If you still end up feeling lonely and riddled with insecurity in spite of the fact that you have a man in your life, why do you still feel that having a man, having a relationship, having dalliances, having sex, having attention from these people, having an illusion, having more issues to deal with that result from being involved with these men, is the answer to your problems?
Why are you expecting different results carrying the same baggage, the same beliefs about yourself, love, and relationships, the same relationship habits, the same usual attraction to the same ‘ole assclowns?
10) As you don’t trust in you and are unwillingly to use your past experiences to make real, positive, changes, you are going to have to work out your plan of action and decide how you want to play this.
You don’t get to have a shopping list of requirements in these situations!Whoever you meet, you’d better accept him as he is and work with what you find.You’re the person that wants to settle for less so this may mean that you’ll have to get to grips with being with an assclown or an emotionally unavailable guy.8) Leave sex out of the equation until you have established a relationship. Sex is not companionship, especially when you get the sex, and it’s great but they disappear and leave you with problems, or it’s crap and they leave you with problems, or they stick around, and you still have problems.Sex complicates things and you could spare yourself some headache for a little while by ‘just’ dating.If you’re of course going to say, sod the advice, I want my sex, well…again, you’re choosing the likely results.