We asked experts—and women who've dated (and even married! As a marriage unravels, "wives are pretty verbal about what they perceive their husbands did wrong," whether it be too much time at the office or being an awful communicator, says marriage and family therapist Rachel Sussman. Joining lives can go more smoothly with someone who's done so with someone else.
) divorcés—to explain the many upsides to seeing a formerly married man. That's why, Iris, 62, who met her previously married husband on JDate, sees "being divorced as a strength…if the man has learned about himself and is able to embrace change," she says. "Divorced men have experience sharing finances, a home and schedules. Talking about the future doesn't prompt most divorced guys to run for the hills the way it might lifelong older bachelors.
Some men feel pulled between their ex and their new partner. There were texts, emails and phone calls on a constant basis.
Boundaries must be created to prevent unwanted intrusions.
Your guy must make it clear to his ex about how much communication is needed and to emphasize that it needs to be focused on the kids. Find out what his expectations are when it comes to your role with his children.
Some love to file court hearings at the drop of a hat and there is the potential for you, if you are living or ultimately married to him, to be pulled into these post-marital dramas. Many of you may have found out the hard way that your new love had lousy boundaries with his ex.
If he has a friendly relationship with his ex, how friendly is it? The ex dropped by, came into the home and maybe even had a key!
"Many men have openly shared with me that they'd love to 'make a marriage right this time.'" Andrea, 47, who met her husband on Christian Mingle.com, experienced this phenomenon first-hand. "Many marriages fail because men didn't realize that they wanted a woman with certain traits the first time around," says relationship expert April Masini,author of "Now they do, and you benefit from a man who's clear on this."Divorcés' straightforwardness can save you a lot of dating guesswork, adds clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph D."They may be more upfront about their limitations and strengths resulting in less game-playing and time wasted in relationships that won't work."6. Consummating a marriage gives divorced guys a leg up on pure bachelors in the bedroom.
"Our previous marriages and subsequent divorces taught us what's important to fight for and how not to sweat the small stuff," she says. "If nothing else, they may have learned appropriate bedroom chivalry: Ladies first," says professional matchmaker and dating coach Karla Moore.
Your guy loves you, thinks your terrific, and may want you to sprinkle your magic fairy dust around and help him clean up any mess left over from his previous marriage and divorce. There is no such thing as a "bonus mom" unless the kids themselves decide to see you that way and the majority of them won't.
"You are not my mother" is not only a declaration made by kids, it's the truth. Know that his children will most likely take a long time to accept you.
It's not uncommon for divorced men, especially if they think their ex is a less-than-adequate mother, to want you to come in and fill a "mommy hole" for his children.