We separated for one week and after discussions and an agreement that he would not contact this woman we decided to get back together.One month later, I checked his phone and found he had saved the woman’s number under another name and had been phoning her constantly, and texting her at 2am when I went to bed and also throughout the day – even when he went to the shops to get nappies.Today, the message could be from work (who consider it fine to email at weekends and late at night), your bank confirming a new payment or a flirty text from a work colleague.
In the pre-internet age, with the phone in the hall way, a phone call after ten o’clock would be an emergency – like a teenager stranded at a party or the death of a family member.
Nowadays you can send or receive a text or an email at any time of the day or night.
Perhaps you love him so much that you want to believe him or you don’t think ‘he’s that type of guy’.
Alternatively, he’s such a good debater that he’s persuaded you that you’re being paranoid (and therefore beginning to doubt your own instincts) or he claims your constant questioning is doing his head in (and you’re frightened of ruining the relationship).
If the phone rang, in the past, it was most probably a close friend or someone calling to arrange a social event (like a match in a golf tournament).
Any body in the house might answer and everybody had a rough idea of each other’s friends and engagements.
You’ve most probably tried to tackle your husband texting another woman but nothing has really changed.
In my experience of thirty years helping couples as a marital therapist, you’ve fallen into one or more of the following traps.
If he is having an affair (emotional, physical or both), it is better to bring things to a head rather than hoping things will get better when he’s changed jobs, the kids go back to school or Chelsea win the cup.