"As long as the changes you make are healthy and constructive, these are very appropriate," says Alberti.
"Think about who you want to be -- the person you were before the marriage, or maybe a new person?
" Even if, by the time you split, the divorce was something you wanted, a divorce still represents a loss.
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"That's a lot of people, and there are a lot of opportunities for social connection.
There are possibilities to pick up new friends and enter different kinds of groups that have to do with your interests.
The social dimension after a divorce can be very rich." This isn't about rebounding.
It's about considering dating (once you feel ready) outside your comfort zone -- someone who's not your type -- without thinking that it has to head toward a permanent relationship.
It can be a way to work toward a better life, with someone who has no agenda but YOU. But the fact is that many people feel a lot of self-rejection after a divorce.
"You might think that there must be something wrong with you if you couldn't make this relationship work," Alberti says.Find a way to work through the lingering emotions from the demise of your marriage, advises psychologist Robert Alberti, Ph D, co-author of Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends.That may mean talking out your feelings with a therapist or focusing your energy in a healthy activity you enjoy.But chances also are that although you might not be able to do whatever your fantasy is, there may be other changes that ARE within your reach.So don't reject the idea of any change, just because you can't make every change.Of course, you can't just flit away and throw caution to the wind.