When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre. "A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts. Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth.When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line. When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, "Oh goodie. Come on in and meet them." He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. The guy says, "No, ma'am." She says, "Well, do you have any dates? One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you.I'll tell you what, never again.' The joke was later slammed as 'unfunny' on web forums. One Poll.com, the organisation behind the research, said: 'The majority of these jokes are clean and genuinely funny - but a lot are pretty subjective and what one person finds hilarious, someone else may not.''It's nice to see jokes from the greats like Tommy Cooper and Les Dawson are still up there and the ugly baby tale is a worthy winner.''Many of the jokes in the list are fairly timeless and will still be making people chuckle in thirty years or more.'''Tim Vine's Edinburgh Fringe Festival's joke is neither belly-laughing funny nor is it particularly shocking or controversial so it's surprising it was voted the best joke of the festival.'Being able to tell a joke is a fine art and telling a classic joke correctly in a pub full of people can be tricky.' Comedian Tim Vine smashed the world record for most jokes told in an hour with 499, beating the previous record of 362. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. 'I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one". My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked. 'I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work? After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".
Researchers scoured the web and examined more than 1,000 jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 on which 36,000 people voted.
In second place was a legendary one-liner about a zoo with just one dog being a 'shitzu'.
The study was carried out after a panel of eight comic critics voted the holiday joke by Tim Vine (brother of TV presenter Jeremy Vine) the best of this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival. 'The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. 'A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. 'I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits? The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. ' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
His winning one-liner was: 'I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next! She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!
Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in.
He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date.
Husband: Why don’t you just rub toilet paper on your nipples.