The four of us ducked out of the building and into the streets of shadow and fire.
“Think of that moment, recall that rush, the tension, all of the good parts, like how glad you were that you studied this or that. That made Hayle sit up and take notice by being an excellent student.” I looked up at Jamie, then away, down at Gordon. But know what you want, and be conscious of what you’re taking and what you’re giving up. Move on to the pain of losing Gordon-” Her fingernails dug into my ribs again, her chin dug into my shoulderblade. Respect it, don’t squash it, but remove it from the part of yourself that is functioning right now.” Another deep breath, another slow exhalation. “Thank you,” she said, “For being so gentle with me.” I nodded. She touched the side of my face, then pulled away, extricating herself from me.
The part that Mary respects, that respect, that makes you an integral part of the Lambs. She also has doubts, she holds back, and she worries. “You won’t be able to make the changes all at once.
If I so much as looked in the wrong direction or paid attention to the wrong memory in the torrent, then I thought of Jamie, and that was a flood of memories and gut-wrenching impacts that was .
I felt like I was going to lose my mind, but I couldn’t fix the problem without risking burying those things and too many important things with them.
The raw surprise of a feeling almost perfectly mirrored a memory of how I’d stumbled onto .
My hands went to my hair, my arms vertical bars in my field of vision, walling me off from reality, from empty shells, lies, fakes. “Deep breaths, like you said,” the fake Lillian told me. You know how to handle this.” This is the world I live in, with primordials and shells both empty and filled with the wrong things, with war and violence and things I should be more scared of, but I buried those things a long, long time ago, with the worst of the pain But the memories of Gordon came to me, hitting me, and flowed like the tears did.
The days you were on fricking point with your studies. But let go of the stuff you already know is holding you back, that you’re holding onto only because it’s safe. The Lillian who is doing good work, starting at the time between when she lets go of the doubts and plunges elbow-deep into someone’s chest cavity and ending at the time the procedure is done.” She took in a deep breath, and exhaled.
The walls weren’t up, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I might have expected the glare of death from Lillian, but no. Lillian only stared at me like she might stare at a great warbeast that was about to trample her. She might have felt like any sort of emotional hit right now could have shattered her to pieces. I’d brought her to happy tears with what I bought her, which was good. What did it say that staring at Hubris and Gordon was the least painful of the three options available to me? Pain so severe the body Hubris’ ears went up, even though he didn’t lift his chin from Gordon’s chest. They’ll revert over time, but a small fraction of it will be permanent. It wasn’t scar tissue, exactly, but more a lesion, an accumulation of minerals and byproducts. A moment of And the flood of wyvern, across the membrane at the exterior of the brain, then seeping into the brain itself, my senses screaming at me, my body rebelling.